Thursday, May 17, 2012
It Must Be Spring
Saturday, May 5, 2012
The Letter I Didn't Send My Children
Dear David,
We just got back from Uncle Delmar Young's funeral in California. It was a good trip. I saw several cousins that I haven't seen in well over 20 years. Aunt Enid, Delmar's wife, was particularly glad that we went out of our way to be there. His children (in descending order; Dave, Judy, Liz, and Heather). also appreciated our attendance.
While there, I gained several insights. One was that, even though he'd argue anything, Uncle Delmar was active in the Church to the end. Another is that, even though I didn't get along with them years ago, family is family and they are always here for me. It was also clear that the ones who were most bereaved were the ones who had turned their backs on the Church and did not appreciate the Great Plan of Happiness. Finally, it was clear that the ones who stayed close to the Gospel want most to maintain family ties.
To me, the saddest cast there was Dave, his eldest. Dave left the church and made some terrible mistakes which he will always regret. Saddest of all is that he is not ready to repent. As a result, Liz's husband was asked to offer the pre-service family prayer and to dedicate the grave while Dave stood by. Dave sat next to Enid and tended her, but he was not allowed to act as the new patriarch because he abandoned his birthright.
After the pre-service prayer, I went up to Liz and whispered to her, "Isn't it wonderful that we have functioning priesthood holders in our homes?" Both she and I shed tears of joy for our blessings and tears of sorrow for those that have not earned this blessing.
My Aunts Joan Bybee and Betty Tobler were there. A little later cousin Jay Bybee arrived. He spoke about Uncle Delmar's marked propensity for argument. He said that lawyers are taught to be critical thinkers and that was part of Delmar's core personality, contributing to his sometimes outrageous opinions.
Uncle Noall was also in attendance. I was very apprehensive about seeing him again. There had been a great deal of what might be described as unchristian, unlawful, and immoral activity on his part, especially toward our family. He was assigned the closing prayer and I had my doubts about whether he should have been allowed that privilege. However, the prayer seemed sincere and it seemed to me that the Holy Spirit attended it. I feel hopeful that he has repented. Your father, his long-standing enemy, even went up to Noall and told him that he gave a good prayer.
This may seem to be off the subject, but it isn't: While Jared and Miya were visiting, your father offered Jared a priesthood blessing. Jared immediately refused. I strongly suspect that he felt unworthy of a priesthood blessing or was afraid of what might be said. The fact is that everyone is entitled to priesthood blessings. They are intended as a comfort, not as a punishment or criticism, and we assumed that Jared needed some comfort due to his impending divorce. Similarly, I feel that some of my children don't repent and return to the Gospel of Jesus Christ because they feel unworthy and can't repent of some of their mistakes or that repentance is a punishment, not a principle given by a loving Father in Heaven to His children. I know that repentence is designed to make you feel better. Furthermore, no one has invented any new sins. Someone has already committed that sin or any other sin that might imagined and has repented of it too. Everyone who sincerely repents will be forgiven and feel will feel infinitely better because of it.
Although we wanted to stay and get reacquainted with family, we opted to drive to Oroville to see your grandparents. After all, it could be our last trip to CA until their deaths. I don't know if your father has kept you informed of your grandparents' health, but this is how it stands: Your grandfather was in dire health a month or two ago. Your father was on the phone with him every evening for about a month. After colon cancer surgery, his heart rate sky-rocketed. After much tweaking of meds, he was released only to be readmitted for extreme fatigue. The physicians found that he was hemorrhaging and performed emergency surgery to plug the hole. He seems fine now.
As for your grandmother, she had a heart attack several years ago. This is understandable, due to your grandparents' use of tobacco. She hasn't had any major problem since, that we know of. However, both of your grandparents are over 80 and that seems to be the magical decade.
We met them in a restaurant parking lot. The first thing we noticed is that they had given up smoking! (It was apparent when they gave us hugs.) We ate and talked over dinner for about an hour. Then it became clear that they had had enough visiting, but then again, we couldn't think of anything else to say either.
It's time to close. I really have to go. It's time for lunch and I love lunch. I love you too
Mommmm
We just got back from Uncle Delmar Young's funeral in California. It was a good trip. I saw several cousins that I haven't seen in well over 20 years. Aunt Enid, Delmar's wife, was particularly glad that we went out of our way to be there. His children (in descending order; Dave, Judy, Liz, and Heather). also appreciated our attendance.
While there, I gained several insights. One was that, even though he'd argue anything, Uncle Delmar was active in the Church to the end. Another is that, even though I didn't get along with them years ago, family is family and they are always here for me. It was also clear that the ones who were most bereaved were the ones who had turned their backs on the Church and did not appreciate the Great Plan of Happiness. Finally, it was clear that the ones who stayed close to the Gospel want most to maintain family ties.
To me, the saddest cast there was Dave, his eldest. Dave left the church and made some terrible mistakes which he will always regret. Saddest of all is that he is not ready to repent. As a result, Liz's husband was asked to offer the pre-service family prayer and to dedicate the grave while Dave stood by. Dave sat next to Enid and tended her, but he was not allowed to act as the new patriarch because he abandoned his birthright.
After the pre-service prayer, I went up to Liz and whispered to her, "Isn't it wonderful that we have functioning priesthood holders in our homes?" Both she and I shed tears of joy for our blessings and tears of sorrow for those that have not earned this blessing.
My Aunts Joan Bybee and Betty Tobler were there. A little later cousin Jay Bybee arrived. He spoke about Uncle Delmar's marked propensity for argument. He said that lawyers are taught to be critical thinkers and that was part of Delmar's core personality, contributing to his sometimes outrageous opinions.
Uncle Noall was also in attendance. I was very apprehensive about seeing him again. There had been a great deal of what might be described as unchristian, unlawful, and immoral activity on his part, especially toward our family. He was assigned the closing prayer and I had my doubts about whether he should have been allowed that privilege. However, the prayer seemed sincere and it seemed to me that the Holy Spirit attended it. I feel hopeful that he has repented. Your father, his long-standing enemy, even went up to Noall and told him that he gave a good prayer.
This may seem to be off the subject, but it isn't: While Jared and Miya were visiting, your father offered Jared a priesthood blessing. Jared immediately refused. I strongly suspect that he felt unworthy of a priesthood blessing or was afraid of what might be said. The fact is that everyone is entitled to priesthood blessings. They are intended as a comfort, not as a punishment or criticism, and we assumed that Jared needed some comfort due to his impending divorce. Similarly, I feel that some of my children don't repent and return to the Gospel of Jesus Christ because they feel unworthy and can't repent of some of their mistakes or that repentance is a punishment, not a principle given by a loving Father in Heaven to His children. I know that repentence is designed to make you feel better. Furthermore, no one has invented any new sins. Someone has already committed that sin or any other sin that might imagined and has repented of it too. Everyone who sincerely repents will be forgiven and feel will feel infinitely better because of it.
Although we wanted to stay and get reacquainted with family, we opted to drive to Oroville to see your grandparents. After all, it could be our last trip to CA until their deaths. I don't know if your father has kept you informed of your grandparents' health, but this is how it stands: Your grandfather was in dire health a month or two ago. Your father was on the phone with him every evening for about a month. After colon cancer surgery, his heart rate sky-rocketed. After much tweaking of meds, he was released only to be readmitted for extreme fatigue. The physicians found that he was hemorrhaging and performed emergency surgery to plug the hole. He seems fine now.
As for your grandmother, she had a heart attack several years ago. This is understandable, due to your grandparents' use of tobacco. She hasn't had any major problem since, that we know of. However, both of your grandparents are over 80 and that seems to be the magical decade.
We met them in a restaurant parking lot. The first thing we noticed is that they had given up smoking! (It was apparent when they gave us hugs.) We ate and talked over dinner for about an hour. Then it became clear that they had had enough visiting, but then again, we couldn't think of anything else to say either.
It's time to close. I really have to go. It's time for lunch and I love lunch. I love you too
Mommmm
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